Suffering

I spent the weekend in (mostly) silence.  Silence is something I think that we could all agree there is very little of in our world.  For the most part we’re not very comfortable with it but that’s for another day’s pontificating.

I thought a lot about suffering.  Recently a friend told me that after his mom died someone said that it was God’s will.  I wish that I’d been able to give him a more satisfactory answer than “I’m sorry”.  I am sorry.  Sorry that he lost his mom all too early, sorry that someone said that to him.  People say thoughtless things in uncomfortable situations and it doesn’t get much more uncomfortable than death.  I’ve heard many hurtful thoughtless things said to me in times of trial/loss but to put it in balance I have also said stupid things.  The reason I think it’s thoughtless to say it’s God’s will for someone to die is because it makes it sound like God wants us to hurt.  He doesn’t.  He hurts right along with us.  Our sorrow is His as well.  He loves us so much and thinks of each of us with such deep affection that we can’t even fathom that love or thought.  Unfortunately sometimes bad things do happen. And sometimes He has to allow them to happen and while He doesn’t want it to happen He will allow good to come from it.  Suffering is when we grow.  Suffering defines us and tempers us as a hot flame tempers steel.  A good parent will allow a beloved child to “learn things the hard way” from time to time.  Do we love our children less?  No of course not. But in order to grow one must fall periodically.  I have had my share of loss.  I have dealt with things that no child should have to.  I can choose to be angry at God, to be a victim.  Or I can choose to grow and develop into the person I am meant to be.  These are the sufferings that have contributed to who I am now.  I am passionate and empathetic, I am hopeful and joyful.  Who would I be without these sorrows? Probably not me. So my friend I wish I had given you a better answer at the time, but here it is now.

May the Souls of the Faithful

Mr. H went home last Friday. His funeral was Monday. It was a testimony to a life well lived and a death well anticipated. He was prepared. He was ready. So was his family. That's not to say that they're happy he's gone. Maybe a little bit for his sake, but they miss him. But this is a story of hope, of knowing where he is gone to. This family truly believes and there's no despair. But there is sadness. This man lived for his family. He was married to his best friend for 52 years. Together they had 7 children and 26 grandchildren. These children have a wonderful role model to follow.

He was a shy man and I didn't really know him that well. But I know his example. I have watched the loving way in which he and his wife have served quietly and well. How generous he was and how this family has warmly drawn me to them time and time again. And it's what I want for my family. It's not what we have, but it is something to aspire to. And that is why God gives us the saints and saintly around us. To know good and to be attracted to it. To desire it and to move towards it, always looking to perfect love, as a response to that perfect love. To know that it is possible. There is so much to meditate on. Pray for us Mr. H.

Death and Dying

This week seems a fitting one to write this post. Our beautiful Mother Church in her mercy and wisdom offers us the loving feast days of All Saints and All Souls, where we can celebrate the transition from this world to the next. We pray for the souls of those who go before us and are unable to pray for themselves and we ask for their intercession as well as those we know are part of the Church Triumphant.
Two years ago I was travelling this road with little understanding of the beauty of these teachings. I knew some of them in theory, but that means little when your heart is hard and hurting. I should have turned to the Cross and clinged to our Lord. I should have walked with Our Lady the Via Dolorosa, but I did not. I only wanted what I wanted and I did not want my mom to die. I wanted her healed and whole, not suffering and dying.
This brings us to the present where one of the most holy people I know is dying. His is a family that lives close to Christ and has embraced me in prayer and friendship time and time again. He is suffering with cancer and heart disease, but is doing so with patience and dignity. Here is a man who is living in Christ's shadow. His wife is walking with the Blessed Virgin. But this is not a road that is foreign to them. They walked this walk with their daughter 15 years or so ago and earlier this summer when their grandson was killed in a car accident. There could be bitterness reigning, but there is joy and hope. The lessons this family continues to teach me are humbling to say the least.
May the Souls of the Faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen