Frontiers

It is interesting to me that we present some kind of challenge. We, being our family. When we go out in public, I feel like we are a walking billboard or sideshow. I have had people I don't know from Adam defend their decision to sterilize their marriage and limit themselves to x number of children. I would never ask anyone about their fertility. I am not looking at other families and judging the number of children they have and wondering if they've had a tubal or a vasectomy. That's so personal. I don't even ask my close friends if they're "done". But I have complete strangers asking me about our plans, and explaining/justifying theirs. Obviously we don't believe in sterilization, I think it's wrong to fix something that isn't broken, but I am not going to condemn someone for doing so. But I am sometimes, uncharitably I know, drawn to wonder, what is so awful about their child(ren) that they wouldn't want anymore. Or what's so terrible about co-creating with God, or terrible about their marriage... I know, I'm so not perfect. But for these people who feel it necessary to defend/explain themselves to me out of the blue, or attack me about the size of our family, I wonder that there isn't something deeper that tells them that what they do is against God and each other. Some truth written on our very hearts, so deeply ingrained that we can't entirely shake it. That we can't give name to but it exists all the same.

Ambassadors for Life

I feel a certain pressure when out in public with our children. Whether rational or not, it's there. I need the children to be clean, polite and well behaved. These are of course what every parent - I imagine- desires for their family, but I think that as a large family (I didn't know we were a large family until someone told me we were) who homeschools, it's important that people not perceive me as a tired hag of a mother, so put upon by ill behaved children. It's probably vanity on my part, but I don't want people to think that children are this huge awful burden. In a world where people only see the inconvenience , because let's face it, children are inconvenient to me being the centre of the universe, I wish for people to see the joy and the love that accompanies more children. How much they love each other, how much they look forward to the new baby. How they are making me and my husband better people, with more love to give. It's odd that quite often people react negatively to the idea that we're having our 6th baby. Does this stem from the "me" generation, or is it something deeper, more sinister?
I try not to imagine the day when there are no more babies in our house, because it makes me sad. This is a far cry from the young 18 year old me who wanted no children ever. The thought of being able to co-create with God a new soul is so thrilling and beautiful.
I have been asked if they're all mine, if I know what causes this (my husband's response is a wolfish grin and a hearty "Yes. And we like it."), if they're all from my body, are you done? I must be charitbale in my response because these people just don't understand. But anything I come up with seems so unsatisfactory. I want to soften their hearts to the beauty of new souls, new, fresh thoughts and outlooks. So I try to smile through the punishment of public shopping. So I make sure the children are dressed neatly and that they are polite. Because I am an ambassodor of the Culture of Life. And so are they.